Listen to Me
by kerry-jessica
Summary: "It's not about the choice anymore Bells, it's about being happy." His words went straight through me, and I suddenly remember every reason why I had fallen in love with him.
1. Prologue

_"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a might stranger: I should not seem part of it."_

_- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights, Ch.9_

/

"Bella."

The voice was barely a whisper, yet it was enough to rouse me from a sleep.I knew that voice. It lacked the warmth and comfort of Jacobs. Instead it was slick, forceful and marble like. It seemed flatter, colder than I had last remembered. Yet it was still the voice I'd grown to miss, so to hear it again in my own home brought back the aching pain that had recently been pushed aside; almost forgotten.

Still with all that misery, the hairs of my arms still stood, and I could feel the electricity circulating cold through my bloodstream causing a vast amount of goosebumps.

Edward.

I wasn't sure if it was a fabrication because over the past months my mind had created a different s conceptions of thoughts, one where Edward had never left me. So the knowledge of whether I was even awake at all was a mystery to myself.

I laid there for a moment perfectly still, convincing myself I had never heard it to begin with. It was then I heard it again, fainter this time. I sat up tangled in my bedsheets, noticing that at the sound of the voice my room had become what it had been months ago: damp, and quiet. Nothing like it had been when I'd fallen asleep earlier with Jacob.

Jake had been there for keep my nightmares at a distance, my dreams of Edward never seemed to come when he were around.

_I noticed he had left too, had he also heard the voice?_

At the thought of this my feet gained pace, stumbling down the landing, trying to keep a reasonable balance. This was ridiculous, what was I doing? Who was I meant to be defending? Who was I running to? Someone who had the strength and ability to hurt Jacob, or someone who's entire history centred around killing something I loved?

I wrapped my hand around my torso as I let the thoughts of Edward invade my mind. I lingered for a moment at the top of the stairs, leaning over slightly, trying to hold myself together.

"Bella, I'm here, love."

My legs shot out from under me and I ran, almost falling down the stairs.

It was then Charlie came into view, he'd surrounded himself with my college applications, reviewing the choices Jake and I had been looking at earlier. I almost felt pitiful for him, sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa for the sake of my dreams that kept interrupting his sleep. I hadn't noticed all that Charlie had done, given up any sort of social existence to stay home with me. Someone who was so dramatically depressed I couldn't even conjure up a conversation.

When I finally saw the tall figure I stood frozen, as I watched him lift his hand, turning the dull lit room making him barely noticeable into light. Standing in front of me was not the voice that I had heard, but for whatever reason I lacked disappointment.

"Jacob."

Then I was awake.


	2. Chapter 1

_Sleep is my lover now,  
my forgetting,  
my palette,  
my oblivion._

What is a dream? I'd searched many theories, through out the past six months: an adventure from a nauseating life, an escape from a reality not worth even living. Your own sub-conscious speaking to you, discovering the thoughts you mask in everyday life. Or, a diverse alternative, a life you want, your deepest desires.

According to each of these suggestions: I wanted Jake.

_Why would I want something I already had?_

Was the fact Jake had been around every single of every second of my day the past months, suddenly a secret to my mind? It could be justified that I'd bypassed his importance because I'd never had to miss him, he'd been the mechanic that had mended me through the heartbreak that followed when Edward left. He'd understood my over-reaction towards the heartbreak, maybe that's where the dreams spawned from. I was letting Jacob replace Edward. This made me guilty; I wasn't meant to give up, I was meant to wait.

The dream I'd just woke from hadn't been painful, it had been different, not like the others had been when Edward had left. When the gaping hole was raw with emotion, pain, I would dream the same dream every night. I would Edward calling me. I'd jump to my feet and run as if I would be running to him, in hope he'd come back to me. Isn't that pitiful? Even my mind knew it was, so much that when I got there: he wasn't. I'd be left to stand at the bottom of the staircase, distraught and in agony, until I awoke. Even then if I wasn't crying in the dream, I would be crying when I woke.

Tonight was the first night that Jacob had been there in Edwards place. Tonight was the night I hadn't screamed, tangled in bed sheets and sweat as I arose. I was calm, my breath in normal paces; almost happy, almost content.

I didn't know how to justify the change to myself, I almost felt guilty, waking in a completely fit state. I owed it to Edward to be mortified when the reality hit me he wasn't there, why the sudden result in_ this_ happiness_.  
_  
Jacob was laying across my bed, as if he'd lent back and just fallen asleep. Jacob did that often, just sleeping. He made me appreciate it, that dreams were what we needed to become strong. He'd been the reassurance when I had woke to streams of tears, or had been scratching my bed covers trying to grip somebody that wasn't there, he told me it was okay. It was normal to have nightmares. Every time I was with him, I didn't have to be shy about it. I didn't have to have an abnormality. It was something he'd grasped, and I had come to enjoy talking about. It wasn't like it was with Charlie, as much as my own Dad tried to help, he found it strange. He blamed Edward, he thought it was because of him I couldn't stop imagining, dreaming these nightmares. This wasn't the truth, because now I had dreamt of Jacob. Not Edward.

I tried to shuv him with my arm a little, moving him off of my ankle. He slept like a dog, even if he was technically one. Still, I couldn't complain. I rather took pleasure in being the observe for once, being able to watch someone sleep. At first I hadn't seen the attraction of seeing someone with their eyes shut, in peaceful dreams. Now I see what the fuss is about, it's sentimental. It's something I hadn't been able to share with Edward, and wouldn't want to. It was a Jacob thing. Looking at him, he morphed back into the ten year old boy on Charlie's porch that I used to bully when I was little, except now he didn't have the long hair that blew viciously, and his eyes were much more set in: almost beautiful.

I wondered as he lay there, his cropped hair that had taken me into shock only a few months ago, those soft gentle lines that framed his face, his eyebrows that lay disfigured on his face, I wondered if he ever thought of his mother. If she were the reason he was so breath-taking. Jake didn't speak about his mother, he never mentioned her. It were like he'd never met her: which I'm sure he had, I somehow through distant memories of Forks remembered a woman. A tall tanned woman walking towards me, then that was it. The figures of her face, the shape of her, it never came to me. All I knew was I was thankful to that woman. Even if I didn't believe in after-life, and if the theory that no magical creatures - creatures that kill didn't have souls, I hope that somehow Jake can be with his mum when it comes, that moment. I hope he can be with her again.

Ironically, I had promised Jake to take him to meet my mum this spring, as long as he didn't morph into a dog or something. My mum just doesn't react well to such things. Jake hadn't furthered the plans, or even been slightly interested when I'd talked about booking the flights on-line. He couldn't be scared of meeting the woman that brought me up the past seventeen years, she was practically me when with just a different face. Jake is also just the type my mum would approve of. An influence worth congratulating, abs my mother would kill for her boyfriend to have. I laughed at this and it edged him, he fidgeted slightly.

Something told me he wanted me to be safe. He didn't want to go to Phoenix just in case. In case something came for Charlie, because as much as Jacob was all for my well far, Charlie was just as much his family as Billy was mine. It was simple: save Bella, save Charlie.

I pulled the i-pod headphones that lay all twisted near his shoulder, he'd fallen asleep with my music again. He told me it put him to sleep, the sounds of instrumentals, even though he didn't normally listen to music he had been listening to it repetitively for a constructive fight nights. It definitely had something to do with his fondness to sit with me, to talk with me about anything, just so I wouldn't be bored helplessly up in my room alone. Or maybe it was for himself, so that it wouldn't have to be tragically awkward as he lay across my bed, half naked.

_Why was he my dream?_

Not that it had never crossed my mind, it was inevitable wasn't it? I was a girl, he was a boy, but there was no want like I had with Edward. Sometimes I just felt the need to wake him up as I watched, tell him I'm here, that he needs to leave before I start crying again - before Edward comes back to find me with him. Tell him not to come back, this isn't his home, he can't fall asleep with me. He can't take Edwards place so quickly. I never had the guts, even when I did, the words refused to focus. Instead they would jitter and shake, and Jake would always get their before I could finish them properly. His hugs that made me wish I didn't miss the cold, his infectious laughter that reminded me of that summer ... he felt Phoenix, like home.

I stroked his face almost, making sure to not actually touch. I convinced myself he was awake somehow, that he was allowing me to watch without opening his eyes to spoil the moment. That way it would make this moment fair, make it okay, because it meant Jake was playing along with me. I wasn't rolling the dice, my heart wasn't getting carried away with my mind.

I knew how Jake felt about me, and I'd punished myself ever since because I couldn't stop myself from leading him on. Every ounce of thought went into everything I did, making sure that it couldn't be seen in another life.

I tried to sneak out of my bed, normally when I attempted this I'd feel hands wrap around my ankle as it slipped out of my bed sheets, he'd stop me from checking. He'd tell me to go back to sleep and stop confusing reality with dreams.

This time he didn't stop me. I checked the clock on my desk, it was five in the morning. Billy would be up any time soon to get ready for fishing with Billy. That meant Jacob would soon follow too. He always gave Charlie a ride back to La Push. I'd be in the back-seat, as they rambled onto each other.

Sometimes I just wanted to blurt out there there was no wild bears in the forest, that the killings weren't random, the blood wasn't human. Instead I'd look up and see Jake in the car mirror giving me _that_ look.

I stumbled down the landing and then the stairs, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I'd left Jake asleep, no point in trying to wake him.

I turned on the kitchen light. It was much ore spacious without Charlie's coffee mug, newspaper and police jacket - or fishing rods in place. It was much more bare, lifeless even.

I noticed the bread on the side, turning the toaster on I popped it in.

Then I went onto the fridge, poking around for something edible for Charlie to eat. I found some bacon and a box full of eggs, when did Charlie shop? I grabbed them in one hand and the milk in the other, as I turned I bumped directly into this tall oath obviously invading my personal space.

There came back the hope.

I dropped the whole contents of the egg box, as I looked up.

"Jake..." A sound of disappointment in my voice.

"Gee sorry Bells."

"Well that's your breakfast, and look at the state of you now." I said, looking down at the mess I'd made. Eggs everywhere. Well at least the kitchen wasn't so bare anymore.

"Well it's your sweatpants hun." Jake shrugged.

I had to take a second look to check, since they were huge.

I don't know what it was him and my clothes ... even my baggy sweatpants flattered him.

What was more tragic: that he looked better in them than I ever had, or the fact he'd been through my draws to find him.

I went with the latter, the fact he looked better.

"I figured there a bit to big for you." I scowled at his remark.

"Doesn't mean I want them covered in eggs, what are you doing up anyway? You looked dead when I let for you.

"Ha. Funny Bells, I dunno I sensed you wasn't there. It woke me up unfortunately, weird huh? I thought maybe you had another bad dream or something."

He shuffled towards the toaster, and it was then he'd came into contrast with the sun that beamed through the window, the sunlight hitting his face so hard he had to cup his hands round his eyes so that he could see the kitchen, the objects that surrounded him.

Helplessly I was in awe of the boy that was there. I had never seen myself in this position before, so happy. Standing next to the boy that once had been just an acquaintance, in my kitchen, having him ... dazzle me.

"You burnt the toast." He said. "Be careful Bells, I don't need you burning down the house."

I couldn't believe I'd been so absent minded, letting myself get distracted.

He stared at me.

I stared back.

It was almost like the connection we had, that frigged wire that joint us together was fastening silently.

"So Bells, I was thinking seen as Charlie's going fishing, and I'm gonna have you tagging along with me all day ..." Jacob said, peeling apart the pieces of bacon as I begun to clean the egg mess.

"Tagging along? Pssht. Don't give me that, I've got a good mind to start charging Billy babysitting rates." I shoved Jake's shoulder, nearly causing myself to slip over. All attempt of asserting my authority had back-fired, since I never fell over myself and Jake didn't even move in the slightest.

"Okay now you're finished failing at whatever that was you were attempting to do, like I was saying ... I thought maybe we could go cliff diving with the pack, Emily and Leah will be there, hopefully Leah doesn't try to drown Sam in the process." Jake laughed to himself, obviously finding himself mildly amusing.

"Umm, yeah I guess so." I paused for a second deciding to put the Mop back into the cupboard. I'd tried my best to clean the shells up, but it just wasn't going to be spotless till I scrubbed, or hoovered.

Jacob begun to put the bacon onto the grill.

"How high are you jumping exactly?"

"Why, scared?" He laughed.

"Err, no, but in case you haven't noticed your rather weighty, would be a shame for you to hit the bottom and splatter yourself." I said approaching him from behind once more.

"Yeah, a shame, a world without Jacob Black would be a tragedy."

I stared down at the Bacon, it looked almost crispy. He must have had the grill heat to high, because bacon I knew, just didn't cook that fast.

"How are you ever going to cook for yourself Jake? Will your girlfriend ever eat?" I said, pushing him out o the way.

"I'd date someone who can cook for themselves, obviously." He smirked. I could feel that hint burning into the back of my brain.

"That's why you have our Bella, Jake." Charlie yawned, walking into the room.

Jacob blushed slightly, I contemplated his next move silently from beside the oven.

"So are you two officially attached to the hip now?"

"Funny dad."

Jake stood perched against the counter, eating the rest of the severally burnt toast from earlier.

"Not to mention the kid eats enough to feed a small army, if I find you in my kitchen one more tie before 7am I'm charging you rent." Charlie punched Jake in the arm, humouring him Jake bounced back against the sink.

"Nick left hook old man."

Charlie smirked. "Maybe one day I'll teach you a thing or two."

"Sure, sure."

"One of you and get my newspaper for me." Charlie interrupted.

I looked at Jake, but his eyes rolled.

_Sigh_

I went to collect the paper.

I passed through the living room, my homework left unfinished on the coffee table, the TV left on standby. Typical Charlie, leaving mess just in case I had some unaccompanied time left in the morning to clean. Always trying to keep my mind off of things.

It turns out the sun had been tricking me, as it hid itself back into the clouds as I opened the door, the wind rushing to my face.

I picked up the newspaper, trying to pull my nightie over my legs, stopping it from blowing up.

"Showing the neighbour some skin there Bella?" Jake said, grabbing my arm and pulling me back indoors.

"You've never complained before."

As we entered back into the kitchen, I slapped the newspaper onto Charlie's table.

The breakfast table was never short of conversation when Jake was here, nothing like the calm atmosphere and silence Charlie and I often sat in, it was always loud. Sometimes I think Charlie appreciate's Jake even more than I do; their was almost an air of approval that surrounded Charlie when it came to Jake, he never behaved in the same judgemental protective way he had with Edward. Watching them together was easy, effortless even, like father and son.

Just after Edward had left Charlie had said to me ... _"Sometimes you've gotta learn to love what's good for you."  
_


	3. Chapter 2

"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he _did not know where he ended_ and she _began"_

**Chapter Two**

I cherished La Push, a home away from home if there could ever be one. I did not know whether it was because it was beautiful, or because it's where Jacob lived.

"Shouldn't you be resting, with the baby due?" I heard heads turn.

Leah had spoken _to_ Emily, and it wasn't full of sarcasm.

Emily was heavily pregnant. When I had first found out, I had be so overwhelmed. Then I discovered what this indicated. It meant Sam could no longer be a pack leader, no longer be a wolf. I didn't know how to approach this.

However the irony caught me.

It was as if it was some freaky indication, that this was it. What I should be doing. I had been so quick to want to give up everything, but here Sam was - making the right choice. The choice Edward had told me he would have made, if he could. The option Rosalie had wanted so badly.

Even if I didn't have the choice anymore, I could still think about what I would have given up. Now it didn't seem right. Jake had been speaking sense the whole time. A baby may just be a baby, and it may not seem a big deal when you're seventeen, but when I saw Emily's face light up whenever it was mentioned ... it had hit me.

I wanted that with Jake, in a sense.

It was inevitable that I would get old, I would become Emily sooner or later. Age was now something I had to prepare myself for, knowing that there was others out there ... that didn't.

I knew if I stayed in Forks, everything that I was meant to have would come naturally towards me, my life here was already mapped out. I didn't know if I wanted this, but at this time I was secure, safe, regardless of my love for Edward and my want to have the lifestyle that he had brought so easily into my life - being here with Jake, it was right.

"Cooking breakfast for the boys won't kill me Leah." Emily laughed on edge, she still was not sure about it. She worried continually about the baby's welfare, and Leah played up on this regularly.

"You never know." Leah said.

I knew the history between these two. Jake had told me a while ago, but it didn't seem possible that once Leah had been Emily's best friend. They had nothing among them, only cold blunt words that were exchanged rarely.

"Shut-up Leah, Emily's breakfast is the best part of my day!" Seth called out, the littlest one sat at the table in the kitchen. Jake's unlikely best friend.

"Was that a voice I hear? Oh. It was just the pre-teen. Shut-up." Leah got up from her seat, and stood next to Emily.

"Let me finish it."

Watching them. It kind of reminded me of what the Cullen's had been like ...

"No. I prefer Ems cooking, you always burn everything, don't you Leah?" Sam walked indoors, the warmth suddenly grew hotter.

This was the only problem eating with a pack of wolves. The improbable measure of heat that malted off of them.

Leah ignored the voice, and carried on.

I watched her cooking, persistent and stubborn as she always had been. I wondered how Leah could be so resentful to the man she loved. How was that possible? Even if he hadn't chosen her, hadn't been able to make her happy - he was still aware of her, and wasn't that what mattered? I'd trade everything for Edward to still be aware of me, watch me and be there. She had that, so why was she holding onto a grudge that should have ended years ago? Did she never think of her friend?

_Emily._

Emily was so kind-hearted and charming, she appealed to all the boys, a mother figure if you may. It wouldn't be like her to force herself on Sam, that just wasn't Emily's characteristics.

I watched them both fiddle around in the kitchen, making nuisances of one another. Emily on one side, completely parted from Leah. The rift had driven them so far apart there was no way that deemed possible for them to return to where they had been.

I could only wonder what it was like before ...

"Time to go, Bells." Jakes voice woke me from my watch, and I quickly left my seat.

The beach was warm, but as warm it ever could be in Forks. Still with a breeze, still with that atmosphere of ... nothing.

Even as we got there, the rest of the pack seemed to just ignore Leah's presence, as if they could not feel the undignified atmosphere that arose whenever she went out with them. They sort of joked around her, I questioned if this ever aggravated her, whether she was actually as happy to be invisible as she appeared.

The bond between her and Jake was different, and I found her to be tagging along with us resentfully, instead of the others. Jake didn't ever seem even mildly irritated by her attitude, he always made some sort of failing attempt to involve her.

"Jake?"

"Yeah ..." He said, breaking away from his and Leah's silent conversation.

"Why do you even bother, you know she's not going to be interested in anything we're doing. The most she will do is watch." I tried to whisper as best as I could, hoping that Leah wouldn't overhear.

"She is lonely." Jake said, ignoring the fact I was trying to make this conversation as private as possible.

"Hmm ..." I said, trying to distract the others, lead off the subject.

"I know you don't get it, but Sam asked me too and I guess ..." Jake trailed off as if his thoughts had tied his tongue.

"Spit it out." I groaned.

"I don't know, I guess I just know how it feels that's all. To love somebody even though you know they wont ever love you back."

Queue the subtle hints.

"But .." I said, once again trying to annihilate anything left of this conversation. I knew Jake would try to carry on, because he always wanted to talk about that.

"It's worse for Leah though, Bells. She knows what it's like to be with him, he loved her first. I kind of guess I don't have to feel that."

Then the debate ended, abruptly. I was a bit guilty for not trying to sympathize or understand him. He was right, I hadn't loved him first - and I was not sure if I could love him like that. Edward and Jake were two completely different people, different paths my life had taken, it was selfish of me to keep a hold on both of them, causing myself just as much pain as I was causing Jake. I didn't know how to stop this, and with that I ignored the present conversation and let it pass me all together.

I looked up at Jake ... his mind seemed far away. I could only presume what he thought about.

"Jake, anybody in there?" I asked, tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"Sure, sure - sad thing is, she's only hurting herself. So just cut her some slack, okay?" He said this rather coldly, and it made me wonder if he harboured some feelings for Leah. I didn't like the idea, so I quickly brushed it off.

With that Embry came charging towards us, barging boisterously into Jacob. They both hit the floor, I watched as they tugged and pushed each other back and forth across the beach.

We walked for a while.

"Gosh Jake, how high up are we going to jump from?" Jake let out a roar of laughter.

"I knew you were chicken. Oh it's okay Bells, you are a girl after all." I scowled.

"What I never said I didn't want to jump, I'm just saying we're been for walking for like, a year."

Jake stooped down "get on,"

"Ugh... I do not need you to carry me I'm not an invalid." I groaned.

"Yeah ... but you are a slow human, just give up already."

I quickly got on his back, trying not to make a spectacle out of myself.

Before I knew it we were at the edge of a tall cliff, I jumped down from Jakes back, keeping my distance from the edge. It looked a lot higher from up here. Edward would think this was outrageous.

"Come on Bella, shoes off." Quil said.

I lingered for a moment, evaluating the pros and cons. If I didn't jump I'd keep my life, however I'd have to live through Jacobs mockery for the rest of the useable future.

Paul and Embry was on the edge, swaying back and forth and then they were gone.

_Splash._

"Come on Bells, we're up next." Jake tugged my wrist, pulling me towards the end of the cliff.

"Jake, maybe I should stay and watch everyone's stuff." I looked back at the obviously clutter, that nobody would even try to rob, who would need socks and shoes?  
"What so, somebody's going to rob our socks? Sure, come on."

"Okay I give up, I'm terrified, that is long way down Jake." I said through gritted teeth. Now I would never live it down, even if I jumped.

"I've done this a million times, you'll be fine, you're with me."

"Lets flip on it. Heads I jump, Tales I be a coward." I smiled, grinning. I might just get out of this.

I scrounged around my pockets looking for a coin, here, I tossed it up in the air but before it could hit the floor Jake threw out his hand and caught it.

_Darn Wolf reflexes._

"You know Billy told me once that my Mum always used to say, that you made your decision when the coins still in the air, that a part of you, no matter how small, knows what side you want the coin to land on. By leaving it up to the coin your persuading yourself that it doesn't matter, or even that it's your fate, but its just luck Bells, nothing more, nothing less."

He was right, if I flipped it again it had a chance of landing on the other side. Besides the wisdom, this was the first time Jake had mentioned his mum. I was a little taken aback. I stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to budge the conversation elsewhere.

"Oh just come on, I cannot wait any longer."

I let him drag me along to the edge, I tightened my eyes shut.

Everybody else was gone, I vaguely remember them waiving around in the water, loud voices but the words were unclear.

All I knew that I could understand was Seth calling out Jacob's name.

Jake squeezed my hand, the heat travelling up my arm and I knew then I was safe.

"1, 2 ... THREE!" Jake shouted, and I fell with him.

The sensation was not what I had expected, to fall and feel everything rush behind you. The wind that I past everyday, forcing my hair behind me. It deemed every single little worry I had ever had, all those moments these few months had brought me, happy and unhappy ones - they vanished. I was flying.

Then I was surrounded by water, and the feelings I'd just witnessed subsided, the coldness and all else came back as quickly as they'd gone, then I felt Jacobs body surround mine. I was warm again, hot even, I felt Jakes hands stroke the bottom of my back up to my neck. He was trying to regain my heat for me. I held both my arms around his neck tightly.

"I will not leave you Bella, your safe with me."

I buried my head in among his shoulder, and his neck.

"I'll never leave you either Jake, I promise."

His whole body relaxed as if I'd just given him permission to breath.

"You must be cold." He swung me behind him, onto his back so he could swim easier with me. I think sometimes it escaped Jake's attention that he was over a hundred and eight degrees, which meant that I could never be cold around him.

For once I actually enjoyed it. I didn't miss that cold.

I laid my head against his back, I was quiet, content and happy. I found myself drifting off...


	4. Chapter 4

Jacob had carried me all the way back. _Typical._

I'd awoke splashed out across a sofa, surrounded by the mess the boy's had created before leaving me to rest. I ruffled around in the traces of some of Seth's homework sheets, and the smell of Embry's soggy t'shirt.

I peered underneath the quilt that covered me, and was realived to find that I was still dressed reasonably. Emily had obviously lent me some clothes when I had been half-awake, drifting in and out of sleep. I vaguely remembered grabbing the first pair of shorts I'd seen, and running down stairs to get changed.

The best part of this, was that I had no nightmare - no dream. I had been floating in nothingness, as I lay here in complete joy that I hadn't remembered anything of the dream my brain and I had just endured. That was a relief, that for once I had been normal.

"Awake so soon?" Billy said, and as my eyes begun to adapt to the room, bringing in light's and shades and faces as quickly as I'd lost them to sleep, an hour ago.

"Where's Jake?" The words slipped my mouth without thought as I pulled myself upwards, dragging myself into reality as I did so.

Billy laughed tenderly, and pointed to the garden.

I wrapped the quilt around me shamelessly, making sure to keep the warmth on me. I stumbled for a minute or two, heading towards the glass slide doors that were in front of me.

I could see him.

He was sat beanath the large oak tree, the late afternoon shadowing him in it's mist. The sky outside turning dark, and suddenly the droplets of rain begin to force themselves heavier, filling the otherwise silent air. I could see even from peering from a foggy window that he had been crying.

I opened it, dropping the quilt fromaround my body as I did. I walked barefoot on the sooking wet grass just to get to him, an urgency in my feet. He didn't look up once, although he must have heard me coming. I always breathed heavily.

Jake drew his knee's to his chin, trying to cover himself desperately. I'd never seen him look so cold before. As I get closer, I notice the redness of his cheeks still alive. It becomes easier to tell myself he's okay, that he was just _upset._

"You found the best spot in the garden," My words were barely audiable as I slipped an arm around Jake, I sat down instantly without thought of what this would do to Emily's clothing. "I can't believe I just slept like that." Jake's lips twitch into a small but sad smile and his eyebrows furrow along with it. Had I upset him?

"I always come out here." His lips suddenly become rather pouty, as I rest my head on his shoulder. Anything to bring us closer, because he seemed so far away right now.

His clothes were damp from the rain, and I felt the droplets of rain from his hair fall onto my neck. I shivered and Jake notices because he pulls away instantly. "Don't you'll get ill," he says covering his legs with his arms.

From the outside, or that window that I'd just been looking through ten minutes ago ... I could understand how this scene would look, myself comforting my lover. I grip the material of my top, trying to cover as much as my skin as I could.

"What's wrong?" I ask quitely, mumbling into my collar. My eyes fall back into routine and close, preparing for a reaction that wasn't worth the argument.

"I had an argument with Leah," Jake brushed his fingertips along my jaw line and my eyes shoot open. "She doesn't seem to agree with anything I say about you."

I return the favour and turn to face him, allowing my fingertips to take charge. I let them smooth out his skin, and wipe away the trail marks that tears have left. His lips are soft and as my tips fall onto them I feel almost guilty. I can feel his tiny breaths on my skin, heavy and deep as they had always been.

"I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you, Bella." His words fell onto my fingers and I let them drop, dragging his lips with me in the process. It reminded me ofsomeone, and I shamefully didn't feel anything for what Jacob had just said. What would I do if I lost Jake? That's all I could think of, the thoughts guiding me back to where this all started ... Edward. I'd lost Edward and look what I'd done ... I'd moved on. Wouldn't Jake do exactly the same thing?

I found myself over-analizying and I stopped myself mid-way.

"Oh god, I'm sorry I said that Bells." For a moment he catches my eye's and we are locked together. I could see the sincerity in his words and for once I just wanted to forget everything and let him be with me. This was the first time I realized I loved Jacob, not in the brotherly best friend way I had convinced myself, in the way where I wanted to be ... with him.

He begins to open his mouth, those lips parting with sadness overwhelmed me and I jumped on inpulse. I caught him with a kiss, lips silencing his words. The kiss is firm and I can feel Jake's tongue, dipping out across my dry, bottom lip and I can't help but feel my cheeks flush with heat. My stomach twists and I feel sort of sick, but I can't just shove him away, so instead, I kiss him back as Jake's hands cup myface, holding me in place.

After a few moments, I pull away shamelessly. His warm palms still stuck on my even warmer cheeks and our eyes meet.

"You won't lose me. I won't ever leave." Besides the crack in Jake's voice, he pulled off serious pretty well. Even though these words were the most romantic I'd ever heard, they still chilled me with rememberance.

Because in reality, I knew one day, one of us will be gone and the other will still be there. Even if I spent forever with him, had children and become a grandmother, I would die - as would Jake. It was just a matter of when and how, so there was no way I could promise him forever when maybe one day I would leave him and he'd have to live without me.

I push the tears back, and remember why I came out in the first place. Jake had been crying, and that was something I had never witnessed before. Jacob was crying because of Leah, because she had done something so awful that it ripped Jake enough to make him isolate himself in a garden. I imagined a young Jacob, crying underneath a tree at the brisk of his mother's death. It seemed he still looked the same even now for me.

"Let's go back indoors."

Jake shrugs me off. I walked back indoors alone, and continued to watch him from the sliding doors.

Over the next few days I tried to begun to make more of an effort with Leah. Whenever Leah was around, I even offered to help her learn how to drive not that she accepted. It wasn't long before Jake started questioning my sudden interest in Leah. I couldn't tell him it was because of him being upset over the fact Leah probably didn't like me.

"Stop it Jake," I said playfully pushing him away from me.

"Well come on Bella, since when are you leahs best friend? This time yesterday you could barelly mister up the energy to say hello." Jake said pulling my hands behind my back. I forgot how fast he was, how skilled he was in fighting. _For god sake Bella, he fights werewolves daily._

"I'm just trying to be nice, it's alright for you to fuss around her but not me?"

Jake's mouth almost hit the floor, and I understood why his expression had become one of shock. Why did I suddenly sound like a jealous love-struck teenager?

"What?"

"Forget it I don't know why I ever said that."

"Is that what you think Bella, that I like Leah?" I could see him holding back the giggle as it tried to slip through his lips that were squeezed tightly together.

"Stop asking me questions okay?"

I felt a blush arise on my face. Now he'd know I was embarassed too.

"You're jealous, not that there's nothing to be jealous of but you are totally jealous. This is classic." A triamphunt grin spread across Jacob's face. "Who'd have thought the great Bella Swan, jealous!"

Jake let my arms go from his grip and I could now face him properly. "There there Bells, it happens to the best of us."

I knew what he was talking about of course.

"Nothing worse than loosing out to a bloodsucker." He huffed.

"Go away Jake." I scowled.

He grabbed his t'shirt from the back of the sofa and went into the kitchen.

"It's okay to care y'know," a voice came from across the room ... Leah.

I turned to face her. "Care aboutn what?" I shrugged trying to play down the conversation she'd overheard. I felt awkward and quite stupid.

"About Jacob, obviously you love him Bella. It's written all over your face and don't give me any of that rubbish about best friends, that's just garbadge." Her brutal honesty took me down a few pegs. Someone who had lost love, telling you about love?

"It might not always be that way Leah, you had someone that loved you back too remember." I spat in fury, tempting her to leave.

"You're worried about imprinting?" She laughed. "What you and Jake have is different, something us wolves have never seen before."

"What?" I was puzzled, and I kept checking to make sure Jacob wasn't listening in the kitchen.

"Didn't you ever wonder that maybe Cullen was just another part of the path that would eventually lead you to Jacob?"

"Does that really change anything?" I asked, I had thought of this ... that maybe Jake would always be entangled in my life, that everything I did would lead me back to him.

"Of course Bella, it changes everything. I can see even as I look at him, as a teenage boy that hasn't loved anyone as much as he's loved you. Sam and I were adult's, we didn't have that fight in us. I wasn't his first love, but you are Jake's. Wouldn't anyone fight for their first love?"

I'd never thought of it that way.

"Well that's my opinion anyway but then what do I know."

With that Emily entered the kitchen, following where Jake had gone. "Dinner's ready Bella, you going to eat?"

Jake appeared from the corner of the kitchen and was suddenly in the door frame. "She's eating."

__


End file.
